Nothing could have prepared today’s woman for the day her husband’s family suggested she needed to embrace the role of a “traditional” wife. The shock she felt was overwhelming, and it forced her to confront deep-seated expectations and cultural norms that she had never fully considered..
My husband comes from a traditional family where his mother is a stay-at-home wife and his father is the sole provider. In stark contrast, my mother instilled in me from a young age the importance of never being financially dependent on a man.
My husband has worked hard to unlearn the values he grew up with. He pulls his weight at home, is an engaged father, and a genuine partner. However, he places an excessive amount of importance on his family’s opinions. I understand the desire to make one’s parents proud, but this often goes too far.
Currently, my in-laws are staying with us for two weeks. Normally, I prepare breakfast, we all have lunch at work or school, and my husband cooks dinner. We have a cleaner, but she’s on holiday, so we’re all pitching in with the cleaning. This system has always worked for us.
My in-laws, however, despise my “modern” approach to life. They dislike that I work, that I don’t find my sole purpose in being a wife and mother, and that my husband shares household responsibilities. We had a frank discussion early on, where I set my boundaries and made it clear that I wouldn’t tolerate criticism about how I live my life in my own home. When I’m a guest in their home, I respect their ways and act as the daughter-in-law they wish I was. They’ve mostly respected this arrangement.
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Yesterday, I came home from work exhausted and hungry. I usually arrive around 6:15 or 6:30 PM, and we eat at 7 PM. After greeting everyone, I took a quick shower before dinner. When I came downstairs, I found that nothing had been prepared.
I asked my husband about it, but he wouldn’t look at me. His mother answered instead, saying he hadn’t cooked anything because I needed to fulfill my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My husband still avoided eye contact.
Frustrated, I ordered takeout, served myself and our children, and we sat down to eat. My husband and his parents joined us after serving themselves.
My mother-in-law continued to criticize me, calling me a failure. I asked my husband if he had anything to say. He sided with his mother, suggesting that it wouldn’t hurt if I acted “more like a proper woman” and “took better care of my home and children.” He added that tradition exists for a reason, and it was insulting that I thought I was too good for the way he was raised.
- “Should have ordered only enough food for you and the kids.” WhyCommentQueasy / Reddit
- “Next time the in-laws show up, just take the kids & leave. Let him deal with his parent’s stupidity.” Shutupandplayball / Reddit
- “What you said might have been hurtful and cutting, but it was the truth and only came out because he said – also in front of your children – that you weren’t a proper woman and didn’t take adequate care of your home and children.” owls_and_cardinals / Reddit
